Monday, May 23, 2005
37th week
So here I am in Houston, plodding along to the big 4-0 week. I'm not quite recovered from leaving my home and work and routine and friends. Its such a strange leaving because I know that while my home and work and friends will still be there when I come back something is irrevocably changing. I know and am told often what a good change it is but from the standpoint of the one in this new self imposed exile its hard to understand this shift emotionally. I play at patience and a made up notion of the zen beginners mind. The new matra is complicated but runs along the lines of "it will be amazing and you'll never be the same so enjoy this now and embrace what is coming". I think I need a catchier mantra thats easier to comprehend.
We rushed out of town in a flurry of errands and preparations and last minute emergencies. Kidding oursleves that we've made every preparation and considered the unforeseeable. We rushed from 10 hour work days and constant "to-do" lists to a quiet and lush place where nothing is truly required of me, any sort of effort is discouraged and I am bascally expected to wait exctiedly for the big day with several naps and large meals in between. It is unnerving right now and I am succumbing (especially since K has a tour this week.) I do have a list of things to approximate a portion of the demands and to-dos of my former life but right now I can claim that I am still transitional and just put it off. It is Monday at 12:04pm and I am still in my pjs and considering a nap. Something does not seem right.
Time to put on grown up clothes and get back on the "fake it til you make it" program. Busy work and lists really do work on me. I need to call back up the false confidence that got me out of my home and get moving again. My flywheel is too stuck.
On the upside, there's a pool and tex-mex so being a sloth could be quite comfortable. Also I did have a beautiful dream of the baby coming out an looking me right in the eyes- I reached out and held him close and cuddled him and then I realized I was petting him, he was purring and he was indeed a very happy cat-my first thought was "oh he loves me, listen to that purring"
So here I am in Houston, plodding along to the big 4-0 week. I'm not quite recovered from leaving my home and work and routine and friends. Its such a strange leaving because I know that while my home and work and friends will still be there when I come back something is irrevocably changing. I know and am told often what a good change it is but from the standpoint of the one in this new self imposed exile its hard to understand this shift emotionally. I play at patience and a made up notion of the zen beginners mind. The new matra is complicated but runs along the lines of "it will be amazing and you'll never be the same so enjoy this now and embrace what is coming". I think I need a catchier mantra thats easier to comprehend.
We rushed out of town in a flurry of errands and preparations and last minute emergencies. Kidding oursleves that we've made every preparation and considered the unforeseeable. We rushed from 10 hour work days and constant "to-do" lists to a quiet and lush place where nothing is truly required of me, any sort of effort is discouraged and I am bascally expected to wait exctiedly for the big day with several naps and large meals in between. It is unnerving right now and I am succumbing (especially since K has a tour this week.) I do have a list of things to approximate a portion of the demands and to-dos of my former life but right now I can claim that I am still transitional and just put it off. It is Monday at 12:04pm and I am still in my pjs and considering a nap. Something does not seem right.
Time to put on grown up clothes and get back on the "fake it til you make it" program. Busy work and lists really do work on me. I need to call back up the false confidence that got me out of my home and get moving again. My flywheel is too stuck.
On the upside, there's a pool and tex-mex so being a sloth could be quite comfortable. Also I did have a beautiful dream of the baby coming out an looking me right in the eyes- I reached out and held him close and cuddled him and then I realized I was petting him, he was purring and he was indeed a very happy cat-my first thought was "oh he loves me, listen to that purring"
Monday, May 09, 2005
lucky me
poetic beauties
such generous warm wishers
"thank you" seems too small
I try but I can't match the kind, generous creativity shared with me last Saturday. Thanks for being there, thanks for participating in the excitement and thanks so much for the thoughtful, fun, and generous (that word again) offerings to babyboy lefty fleance drakar noir meissner.
Extra special thanks to my hostesses for everything and, among all the many gorgeous and ambitious achievemets, QUESO! Baby loves some queso.
poetic beauties
such generous warm wishers
"thank you" seems too small
I try but I can't match the kind, generous creativity shared with me last Saturday. Thanks for being there, thanks for participating in the excitement and thanks so much for the thoughtful, fun, and generous (that word again) offerings to babyboy lefty fleance drakar noir meissner.
Extra special thanks to my hostesses for everything and, among all the many gorgeous and ambitious achievemets, QUESO! Baby loves some queso.
